Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Never let your siblings swipe right.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
