I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
