Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
