So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
