i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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