I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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