I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
