toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
