if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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