Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
