so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
