went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
