I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
operation have a gay friend backfired
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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