Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
