I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
