I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
