:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Welp...herpes.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
