...so i touched it.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
