Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
