I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
