Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
last night I used snow as a chaser
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