Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He passed out mid-signature
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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