Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
