so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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