remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
