Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
