About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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