she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
