why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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