haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
