This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
