i jhust puked up my retainher.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
