Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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