that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You left your phone here
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