Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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