she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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