in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
