Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
