and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
