i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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