I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
