One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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