You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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