A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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