I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
