She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
