It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I want her autograph on my taint
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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