glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
