I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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