I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
